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Friday, October 19, 2012

Disrobing Guide for Princesses



In case you have not been reading your supermarket tabloids I will catch you up. Some photographer snagged a long distance shot of princess Kate bearing parts of her body that normally don't get much sun, if you know what I mean. Now if I were the royal advisor I would issue the following memo to Kate.

To: The Dutchess of Cambridge
cc: The Duke of Cambridge and all other royals
From: The Royal Advisor
Subject: Bearing of the Royal Jewels


 Princess, in the future if you happen to get an urge to drop your trousers due to a terrible case of swamp ass or itchy butt or whatever, look up, if you see daylight, stop, lest risk bearing your muffin to all the tabloids and the world. You must know by now you have a lens pointed at you 24 hours of the day 7 days a week from every conceivable angle. This eliminates the following activities from your repertoire , how ever much you enjoyed them in the past

1) Nude sunbathing
2) The aforementioned bearing of private items in sunlight
3) Peeing outside
4) Nose picking (This was already covered this in the royal orientation)
5) Itching any area of your body where the sun usually does not shine
etc, you get the idea.

I know you enjoy reading the make the face blog and Portman engages in all these activities but that does not mean you can do them too.


Regards,

 The Royal Advisor

Monday, October 15, 2012

Are you Ready for the Stampede?


Are you scared by these 17 Division I athletes. They are posing like they want to hurt you or at least kick your butt in a race, which they can do easily, in their blue underwear (which they refer to as their spankies). I am really not sure why they call them this, you will have to muster your own courage and go ask them and risk getting your butt kicked as I mentioned before. That is our very own Carrot Chopper kneeling down on the left, looking like she wants to hurt you, I know we keep covering the same ground but I am really kind a scared. So don't mess with the Bulls as they compete in the MAC champs on home turf. I am going to be there are you?