Tiger Woods Fires Caddy

In case you have not heard Tiger Woods fired his caddy of 12 years Steve Williams. Tiger is currently injured and is not playing. Williams was on loan to another golfer Adam Scott for the US Open. After the Open Williams and Scott teamed up again for another tournament. Tiger said he did not approve Williams to caddy for Scott beyond the US Open and immediately fired Williams. This means Tiger ended his 12 year relationship with his friend for .. uh...cheating on him?

NFL lockout avoided and the Government will raise the debt ceiling

Mark my words the debt ceiling will be raised. Most likely in a last minute heroic deal. Whats going on is the parties are posturing and trying to get across to their constituents that they are really trying to do the job they promised and not raise taxes or not reduce benefits or allow machine gun ownership or whatever they promised. Hey its a golden opportunity to push your parties agenda. Why they tie it to such a no brainier decision I dont know other than they must think we have no brains to actually believe them. Just raise the damn debt ceiling and play politics on your own time boys and girls. Incidentally John Boehner did actually take his ball and go home during the game.

The NFL lockout ended when the owners and players realized they would be crazy not to take advantage of the huge windfall of cash they call the NFL. As fans we must be idiots to pay huge sums of money to watch these behemoths crash their heads into each other. Go watch some real football (English style) instead. Better yet watch a sport like track and field or cycling. Where athletes are meant to grimace as they suffer, not stand on the sideline half the time.

I couldn't make this stuff up. I swear its all True

Lets review the weekend. Carrot Chopper came home after, true to her name, chopping off someone’s limb and proceeded to eat every avocado in sight as well as every nut, twig, berry, grain, fruit, vegetable or generally salady or grainy item, left my cupboards bear and did it all while standing up, including chopping off the limb.

Pot Roast eco drag raced a dude in an identical black Golf TDI. For those of you not familiar with eco drag racing it goes like this. You pull up to someone at a light in a car suitably matched to yours, say a Prius vs a Prius. Then you point to the person and finger wave in an intimidating manner. You both then shut off your engines and roll down your windows. You say “How much you getting” and you exchange gas mileages. The high number wins. Roast won the race, by the way, but we think he was coasting on the down hills.

The puff of cream came home with a knife collection to rival Jack the Rippers. We all were awed by the fact the every single item including the thermometer was etched with the CIA logo. I thought they would be more secretive than that.

Stick of Butter witnessed Portcullies massively bone headed move of karate kicking the China cabinet and smashing a glass picture frame to bits. I am really surprised the Red Queen didn’t jump up and chop off my head but chopper just handed me the dust pan instead.

Pot roast fashioned an Eastern European Check valve to fix the broken water system, during the repair the sump pump decided to let go and blow up in a plume of smoke. This garnered that ultimate male bonding ritual of a trip to Home Depot and a lightening of my incredibly generous fathers wallet by $200 bucks.

John Mayer showed up and played Lil Puffs grad party. Fabulous Stuff.

http://shawnwelchacoustics.com/about.asp

Lil B graduated from high school and we all started counting the days till his mess is out of my...I mean he leaves for college. And the naked room is only month away folks!

A meaty issue

Whats the difference between a rock band and a jazz band. A rock band plays 3 chords for 1000 people and a jazz band plays 1000 chords for 3 people. No kidding, my wife and I literally sat and watched a local jazz band play an entire set at a local restaurant. The only audience members were my wife and I. At least the line for autographs at the end of the show was short.

Watch this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Wj8I8DZNOk&feature=related
It has a whopping 69 views. Hopefully more after yall have watched it. This woman is talented with a capital "T". She graduated from the Eastman school of music here in Rochester.

The tart above has one video with 388,123,734 views.

You throw some tenderloin over your loins and your miss popularity. Work your ass off at your craft for years and you get 69 views. The world is backward. So go out and support some local Jazz and ignore that stupid tart who shops for her clothes in the freezer section at Tops. Besides I know "The Chopper of Carrots" is pissed about that dress.

Irony

Sometimes I realize stuff thats just too good not to point out. Like this. My daughter, the puff of cream, is now in college studying to be a pastry chef, in other words how to make people fat. My other daughter, the chopper of carrots, is in college studying to be a nutritionist and exercise scientist. In other words how to make people skinny. And my wife, the queen of red, is in college studying psychology and writing a thesis on eating disorders, in other words how to help people who think they are fat but really are skinny.  And finally, in a few months, my son, the brother little, will be in college studying Mechanical Engineering, In other words how to....well who knows what the heck engineers are doing anyway! To exemplify, if you dont see the irony in any of this, then go out and buy this months copy of Race Car Engineering and read about a guy who thinks he is famous but is really not.

Almost Famous

Well it took 20 years but I landed on a magazine cover. Albiet a very techy geeky rag about the incredibly small population of race car engineers, but hey, if you resemble the remark, go with it.If you are really ambitious then go down to your local bookstoire and plonk down the $10.50 required and buy the thing but I have set up an e-reader site you can see it for free.

http://gb.zinio.com/

username: gdenton@rochester.rr.com

password: debras

Click on the issue and it brings up a reader. If you move your mouse to the bottom it shows the controls. Go to the index and click on the Penske Active (Page 48). Article is quite technical but I am quoted throughout. There is even an old photo of me in there. Its quite an honor and very exciting to have this article done about something that was so secretive 20 years ago.