Mo Gears Mo Problems

I think the rapper Notorious B.I.G. had it right when he swooned "Mo money Mo Problems" I think the sentiment can be echoed throughout ones life. Make the Face has been commuting on a single speed bicycle this summer. Its just a pile full of giggles to peddle your one speed bike to work. Simplistic satisfying and down to earth. When stopped at the red lights I am even trying to emulate the beatnicks who do T stands effortlessly. I was doing one at the only red light in Honeoye Falls when Mrs Prozac went by and gave the me a drive by shout out (Not to be confused with the kind of drive by BIG got)! I heard through her car window 'Gaaaarrrryyy......." I have even been taking the bus part way. They have these bike racks on the fronts of the buses and for only $1, I can eliminate 13 miles of my single speed commute and still feel like I am doing my part to reduce global warming. That bus is going to drive that route whether I am on it or not. (More on that in a later blog post).

Rapping up the Notorious B.I.G. name. My son had a friend on his ski team who had the nickname B.I.G Now I was confused because there were a couple of guys who were ...lets just say big boned. They could be construed as being called this name but it was actually another kid whos last name was Satorious and the kids came up with Satorious B.I.G. (get it). and thats a Rap.


I like commutin on my single speed
Its better than doing the deed (Not really but I am rhyming here)
I Take the bus some of the time
little B wont always pick me up on a dime
Went from a super Saab to a Raleigh with a single cog
Like my Brooks Leather old school
fits me like a freakin fool
and Alicia Keys rhymes in
I'm in Mendon.....

Huaraches

The Cream Puff, the RQ and I have entered the barefoot running craze. It started when I read the book "Born to Run". A few years later I find myself making sandals Huaraches (wah-rah-cheh ). Today was my inaugural 5K run in these minimalist of minimalist footwear. (RQs been doing it for a few weeks) I feel like a member of the Rarámuri or Tarahumara. The Native American running people featured in the book. I started by trying to cut up an old tire as the book says the Tarahumara did before the Leadville 100. Turns out tires are 3/4 of an inch thick and have steel strands in them. Too heavy too hard to cut and way too thick. Some research yielded better raw materials which I purchased to make them.

These are fantastic, your stride instantly transforms into a natural mid-foot strike, soft high knee form of running which feels utterly natural. Sometimes you hit little painful rocks under your feet and your knee naturally buckles in response to absorb the shock. A bit disconcerting at first but the RQ assures me it becomes second nature after a few runs. You get sensory as well as audible feedback. When I first started running in them it was slap slap slapping along. Oh my I have to make that stop, A few strides later I am gliding along silently. This is how we were born to run! To steal a phrase from the popular book.

Now excuse me I have to go make a pair of Huaraches for the Carrot Chopper.

Portlessman Revealed

This blog has currently been hijacked by one of the ladies over at TogetherCooking...specifically cream puff. Portlessman and I had a lovely time in Colorado and quite an entertaining road trip back to New York. He told you all about the food that he was stuffed with and the exciting adventures that we took. However he left out a few details that need to be shared with his readers.

Our trip back to New York took 28 hours, crossing over two time zones and traveling 1,666 miles. To keep us entertained we celebrated changing time zones and referenced our altitude as we slowly declined back to sea level, all while I tortured him by playing country music. Every time I fell asleep I would wake up to the sounds of NPR and then I would change it back to country. My plan for driving was to drive five hours and then switch off. Portlessmans plan for driving was to drive 1.5 hours, drink 16oz of water and then stop to go to the restroom, do some stretching and then switch drivers. The multiple stops made our trip a little longer than expected however it was worth it because Portlessman would get very cranky if he didn't do his stretches inbetween. Portlessman did not know that I took any of these photos until I showed him around the time we hit Ohio. I wish I could say that I'm making this up...but this is all real.

The Office Referee

In professional sports we have referees to keep everything under control. At the office we have no such luxury. So I have come up with some typical fouls you may see committed at the Office and how a referee would call them. (the names are made up, and any resemblance to actual events is purely intentional)

Crying over spilled milk on "Joe", get over it and concentrate on a forward action plan.

Trying to assess blame on "Earl", become part of the solution not the assessor of the problem

Maintaining the status quo on "Bill", keep it up and we will be out of business in a few years. We can change anything except the laws of physics and even those are open interpretation.

Failure to have any testes on "John",   Grow a pair and make some difficult decisions dammit

Lack of a spine on "Jill", Show some gumption and stand up for what is right

Micro managing on "Sam",  get out of the freaking way and let the professionals do their job

Rectal retention on "Sam" (again),  for this second offense you get a red card and are ejected from the game.

20/20 hindsight on "Tony". Scolding the staff for decisions they made which worked out poorly after the fact accomplishes nothing other than proving you have zero integrity. If your the leader of a project show your staff you have integrity and stand behind every success and failure with them. We are all on the same team.

Setting up road blocks on the IT department the HR department and any other self appointed department not directly associated with getting the product we make out the door. Ask yourself this question everyday. "How can I get myself the hell out of the way of the people trying to design manufacture and sell the products and services this company provides to our customers"

Lack of decision making on "Harold", "No decision does not count as making a decision" Understand nothing will change unless you make one.

I must be off the Demographic profile

My current periodical subscription choices are the The New York Times and Mens Health Magazine. Now you would think I would be the perfect demographic for these publications. Middle aged, affluent, educated, fitness conscious etc. However, when I look at the advertisements in these publications I realize my affluence I must be off the mark. This month Mens Health has an advertisement for a $10,000 watch. What! Who the #$@* needs a $10,000 watch? Oh but it comes with a 5 year warranty, so for  only $2000 a year I can be rest assured I will know the correct time.. What are its other functions, well it is also a stop watch, a chronometer in fancy terms (aka it keeps shorter periods of time). Which for some reason, according to the advertisement,  is very important when piloting a high performance airplane. OK, so I am flying through the air upside down at 200 mph and I am going to want to press a button my wristwatch.

Next up, housing. For only $1.17 million I can have a one bedroom condo in New York City. Oh is that all. How much are they paying people who work in New York City? But it comes with concierge service. Well I cant tell you how many times I wish I had concierge service but I just cant get it. It also comes with a host of other amenities which are all in the building (Health club, spa, lounge etc). Sounds like jail to me, trapped in a $1.17 million dollar apartment. I paid $1.17 M so I can never leave this building except to work at my high paid job which I need to pay for this expensive apartment and my wristwatch.

Weekend with the Chefs

I recently spent a weekend with a group of chefs (also my newest followers in Colorado Springs). What do chefs like to do in their spare time. This isn't the shoe makers kids, they like to cook and they like to eat. In fact they will eat you under the table.

I started my quest arriving for a midnight dinner of smoked pork and homemade slaw: beer pairing PBR. 

I awoke in the morning to fresh scones and zucchini bread. After a quick hike we had lunch at larkburger, best damn burger I ever ate, accompanied by truffle fries.

Dinner was a 5 course feast at the restaurant where cream puff works. Chefs kept coming to my table with delicious courses, the other diners were jealous, but hey when your Cream Puffs father they pull out all the stops. Best dish was the Halibut with deconstructed clam chowder (seen above left).

I returned to my room for a nap before being hauled out of bed to a place called Flattys where I had to refuse the shots and nachos and sip a seltzer to calm my overflowing stomach. 

The next day I did not need to eat until noon, then met up with still more chefs for wood fired pizza followed by the best frozen yogurt I ever ate.

Dinner was delicious Mexican accompanied by a few margaritas. I had to pass on the Jalapeno and Ghost pepper Margareta as it was like drinking liquid fire.

Of course the next day we had to have an enormous brunch with every type of breakfast food available and the opportunity to cover it with gravy and whipped cream ( I passed on both).

After that I needed a 2 hour hike to combat the calorie assault on my body.

The last dinner was more of that delicious pulled pork made into Fajitas paired with a Fat Tire Ale. Bowls of Queso were prepared from imported and domestic cheeses (aka Velveeta).

On the morning of my departure I had to stop the assault, so I cut up some fruit. I was feeling quite self conscious about my knife skills in front of all the professional chefs, but I did manage to hack a cantaloupe into something resembling edible chunks.

Bees swarm around the Red Queen

Excitement ensured in my absence as a swarm of bees decided to take up residence in our basement. The Red Queen spent many hours coaxing the bees out of the basement, trying not to kill any in the process. Unfortunately a  few had to be euthanized, and one unlucky fella found himself trapped in a spiders web and was soon made into a tasty snack. The Red Queen had to use her wedding vale for the first time in 25 years to fashion a make shift bee keepers hat. I blame the presence of the swarm on Mr. ODR as I think it is a rogue off shoot from one of his tribes. In any regard I dont think the Red Queen will take up Mr ODRs hobby any time soon, but luckily the bees decided to move residence before portman got home with the bug spray!

Triple Threat

I had 3 harrowing experiences on my way out here to Colorado Springs.

1) Driving to the airport in heavy traffic a car unexpectedly swerved into our lane and thanks to the cat like reflexes of the Red Queen we were not crashed out of our trip to the airport.

2) Upon landing in Colorado Springs in a severe thunder storm our plane was heaving and rocking. We managed to land (As you can tell we did land because I lived to tell about it). The flight attendant was talking on her cell phone as we walked toward baggage claim and she we saying "That landing was nuts" now I assume that, being a flight attendant, she flies a lot and felt that this landing was especially treacherous.

3) As we descended the above trail we ran by a rattle snake who was telling us he was not happy about our presence by rattling his rattler.

So I have managed to avoid a car crash, a plane crash and a snake bite.  Since bad things come in 3s I assume we are done with danger for now.

Lil B is home for summer

My son came home from college and it has taken some adjustment on my part.

A couple of accounts:
He goes into my closet every morning to find something to wear for work. One day I find my best pair of pants balled up on the hanger. I ask him what happened and he said he tried them on and they were too small. "Those are my skinny jeans" I said.

One night I made myself a sandwich the night before work. It was a delicious bacon avocado turkey club. In the morning I am in bed and he comes in and says do you mind if I take that sandwich to work. So I feel bad and say yes. I eat left over buttered pasta.

He now owns my car. I live 23 miles from work. I get to work via bicycle. A single speed bicycle I bought it used, parts of it were given to me for free.

My son has deemed my super light carbon race bike as the only bike good enough for him to ride.

So, he rides my bike, wears my cloths, drives my car and eats my food! Other than that he is pretty independent.

Executive food scraps

At my company they used to have very liberal policies about letting us order food trays for lunch time meetings. Then someone decided multi-billion dollar profits were just not enough and we needed to cut back by eliminating the ordinary Joes ordering lunch trays for meetings in which employees are expected to give up their lunch hour to work.

You noticed I said ordinary Joes. These rules don't apply to the people who made them. They are however, so very generous as to put the left overs out for us to graze upon. After the kings feast, the peasants get to scavenge on the food scraps.

The above picture is one of the offerings. A few strips of Kale and left over mustard. I wonder what the conversation was like when they decided to bring this over. "You know I think they might enjoy dipping the Kale garnish in the mustard."

Fatso goes Big Time

As an engineer I have gotten to work on some really cool stuff in my career, and sometimes that really cool stuff gets press coverage.

The above video is a bike which I help to create with my friend Craig at Mendon Cycle Smith. Don't be fooled by the guy talking in the video, Craig created this bike through and through. Craig was becoming enamored with a type of bike with really big tires, we are talking 4 inches here. That's really big! He also has been in love with lefty suspension forks (for most of his adult life as far as I can tell). This is a rather odd looking fork who's asymmetry makes it look like it might be unstable, but its not. So Craig set about to combine his two passions into one lovely contraption. He initially tried using off the shelf clamps for the fork but that did indeed make the bike rather unstable so he asked me to draw up some custom clamps. We dubbed them "Fat Clamps" and they had a few design iterations but I think the end results is beautiful.

So I am very proud that something I helped create has made the big time, verified by the photo shoot going on in the background of the video. The bike was displayed at the North American Hand Built Bike show and is featured in this month edition of Dirt Rag magazine. With all this attention, I think the bike is getting a big head to go with its fat tires, although how big a head can you get when your name is "Fatso".

Austerity it's not

This is a house I pass on the way to work everyday.  Sorry for the Google spy-cam image format, not really certain what happened with my camera phone but I snapped the picture quickly so as not to get shot at (You will understand why in a moment).

The house started as a modest single family home in a middle class neighborhood. Then contractor vans started appearing the driveway. Fences went up, awnings appeared, small additions, remodeling was going on. The Home Theater installation truck was parked in the driveway for a month. A playground rivaling Disneyland was sprouting above the fence line in the backyard.

Then new vehicles appeared, mostly Hummers and Escalades. Then the driveway needed to be expanded to fit all the extra vehicles. Then the mother of all projects, the complete covering if the entire front yard in paving stones. So I say to myself, this guy cant be bothered to cut the grass or pay someone to cut the grass... But no, the reason for the additional paving was to park a $1M dollar motor home / tour bus right smack in front of the house. OK you need to show off your wealth but do you have to park that thing right in plain view of everything.

The burning question in my mind is..what did this guy do to amass such enormous wealth so quickly...my money is on drug dealing and that's why I was worried about getting shot. The other burning question is why didn't this guy move to a property with more land instead of sitting in a neighbor hood of fairly modest dwellings? You know what they say in the real estate business Location...Location.. Ostentation!

Top Chef

 

Cream Puff has done it again with her Chef Gregory Barnhill, winning Best Entree and Best in Show at the Colorado Springs Chorale Chefs Gala . OK its not the Food Network and they are a AAA Four-Diamond restaurant and they did make surf and turf and sir sous vide short rib scallop and duck confit (Sorry Carrot Chopper) with asparagus and saffron potato puree. How can that dish not win!