It was getting pretty thin...

This is the old brake pad from my Saab. I only had about 1mm of wear surface left. Good thing the guy at AutoZone sold me those new pads! In an update to my previous post the two of us have become friends on facebook.

Welcome to AutoZone...would you like fries with that?

Yesterday  I stopped by my local auto parts dealer for a set of brake pads. Should be pretty simple right. Whats the year make and model of your car here are your parts that will be XX$ please Done right. WRONG!

First the sales guy asks me if I have aluminum wheels, then he asks if I get brake dust build up. Turns out there are 3 levels of brake pad for my car, first the cheapos (called so because they discourage you from buying them, then the upgraded then the gold ones. Apparently I needed the gold ones because he sounded real convincing.  Job done, you talked me up to the best model. Not enough for the sales guy, "Hey when was the last time you changed your rotors, "They are fine I assure him". He looks skeptical. Then he starts in on the front brakes, "You change those lately?" Then he tells me they have a special on oil and I better get it now or its going to be off sale soon and he does not want me to miss out on the sale. Hey dude your not working on commission are you? Or did you just feel like a chat? Then he tells me I better get some extra brake lube, "You don't want to run out in the middle of the job now?" When paying for the brakes I take out my wallet and he asks me "Where do you get a wallet like that and how much do they cost", It was a gift I tell him. I am sure you can find one on the internet where you may also be able to find some friends to talk to.

Portman vs Portman

Reverses stance on gay marriage          Reverses stance on Wegmans
Son wears earrings                              Son wears earrings
Senator from Ohio                               Born in Ohio
Son has crush on David Beckham      Son has crush on Alex Morgan
Son is Gay                             Portman has been accused of being Metro Sexual

Where do you keep your pepperoni?

When the Red Queen wants a pepperoni pizza she better get one or its off with Portmans you know what..(not that silly..his head) Last Sunday Portman offered to make the RQ a pizza with pepperoni we have had in our fridge. The RQ scoffed and said our pepperoni was 6 months old and cant be any good by now. But the ever frugal Portman rebuffed that pepperoni must last forever because they keep it at room temperature at the grocery store. No way yelled the RQ and it was off the the local market for Portless. The above picture message back the the Red Queen led to nothing but trouble for Portman and he headed over to local pizza shop.

Epilogue

The managers at the our local grocery store were not very happy about Portman dragging the pepperoni display over to the toilet paper isle. Portman is now banned from shopping at his local grocery. Portman is running out of places to shop.

Technology...

I hate technology. The Red Queen and Cream Puff were treated to a laugh festival as Portman worked from home yesterday. He started on a video conference call yelling into the computer "Hey can anyone hear me. This is Gary in Rochester. Anyone at all. HELLO...." No one could hear me because my computer microphone was not set up correctly.

My work did not go well either, with my programs plagued by bugs, which gets Portman very frustrated. Time to take a break and hook up that new flat screen and audio system. Well I could not get the sound to work so after 3 failed attempts to get the company Tech support on the phone (I used my cell phone for that call) I finally reached someone in India who spoke with such a thick accent I could not understand them. I managed to understand enough words to get the sound working, but I put the cell phone back in my pocket without hanging up, because about an hour later I hear this noise from my pocket.  I take out the phone and say hello and he says "Sir.. did you get it working yet?". Well there goes 80 prime cell phone minutes down the drain... and people are still calling me sir!

So I go to fix my computer microphone and the setup tells you to speak a specific phrase into the computer, "Peter piper picked a pepper ..." So the RQ and CP are laughing hysterically at me as I shout this into my computer.

I think tomorrow I will chop some wood or dig a ditch, anything that does not require a computer a cell phone or talking to someone in India.

Ski Terre Haute

A thrilling 700 ft vertical drop over a 2 mile run!

Boom Boom ...

The following message showed up in my gmail! No I don't want to chat! Although I am intrigued!

Te'o Explained

1) A dude pretending to be a chick starts an online affair with another dude.

2) Despite never having met this chick (I mean dude) in person, the second dude falls in love with her (I mean him).

3) Realizing he has gone too far, the first dude ends the relationship by faking the fake chics death

4) Even when the second dude finds out he has been dupped, he continues to pretend that the whole fake affair was real.

So what we have here is one dude faking a fake relationship with another dude who ends up faking he was never faked in the first place, get it!

As you would expect the whole affair garners a huge amount of national media attention due to the importance of this matter.

Going Postal

I am as pissed off at the old Lance as anyone, but watching the 60 minutes episode last Sunday I have to question the emphasis Travis Tygart placed on Lance defrauding the Federal Government and the American Taxpayers out of $10 million dollars, which he received in sponsorship from the Postal Service. 

Now lets put this in a little perspective, the annual budget for the postal service is $70,000 million dollars!  That's 70 billion with a B dollars. We all should be appalled that Lance wasted 0.014% of the Postal services revenue. I bet its costing us more to prosecute him than he "defrauded" us of in the first place. And lets examine this word "defraud", he wore the friggin jersey and people bought more stamps! Should the postal service now return 0.014% of the postage I paid when Lance was riding for the Postal Service Team because it was a sham.

Its funny that in the same episode of 60 minutes President Barack Obama said someone somewhere inside the federal government is screwing up right now. Probably wasting $10 million dollars of the taxpayer money everyday. Should Travis Tygart go search them out and prosecute them? All I know is he better return the few fractions of pennies Lance owes me.

Happy New Year Photo Shoot

I usually pick one photo for our holiday /new years family card. However this year, one particular family member who will remain named Carrot Chopper decided to ham it up and strike a few poses for the camera. So I posted the entire shoot because its so hilarious. Click on the photos and blow em up they are funny.

We need to rethink our priorities...

When we spend New Years Eve at a sausage fest instead of with our beautiful girl friends...Speaking of sausage fests, the guy on the far left may want to close up shop a little.

You might live in a snowy climate....

If the guy behind you at the gas station is driving a snow mobile.
The Prius gets better mileage however.

and I forgot to mention..

On our property we have a pine tree grove with lots of trees which are being crowded out. So one year I decided to prune a couple  for our Christmas trees. One of the trees was really thin and had a crooked trunk and my family made fun of me for bringing home a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

....Well Merry Christmas Charlie Brown... and everyone is still calling me SIR..Good Grief...

My life as a Charlie Brown Comic Strip

Lately my life resembles a Charlie Brown comic strip

This is my career

This is my love life

And this is Cream Puff who is now referring to me as sir...Good Grief.