Chamois Butt'r

If your a cyclist, you know how to rub the above product on your loins before riding to prevent chafing. It really works well. It is also the reason why cyclists don't shake hands before a ride. This stuff is very greasy and does not absorb well. I know this because sometimes after Portman comes home from a hard ride he is suffering from gastrointestinal distress and needs to use the facilities quickly. When the red queen next uses the facilities she slides off the seat and its off with Portmans head yet again.

Thats some expensive real estate..location..location..location

I got Lil Bs tuition Bill and felt the need to ship my pants. His rent is $1000 a month. He shares an apartment with 5 other guys. That's $6000 a month. What will $6000 a month get you in San Antonio?

Have I got a house for you. (Especially if you are a corporate executive relocating to San Antonio, or 6 college student overpaying for tuition and housing). This rental costs $6,000 a month and is in the Elm Creek subdivision.

It has five bedrooms, three bathrooms, three half-bathrooms, game room with wet bar, a study, a pool, hot tub, outdoor kitchen and a chef’s kitchen. The master suite has a fireplace, sitting area, exercise area and a spa bath.

The decorating is a bit Gaudy. Enjoy the pool boys..oh by the way it only has 5 bedrooms so two of you have to share..The sacrifices we make for education.

Biceps Impossible

That's me with Chef Robert Irvine (actually its a cardboard cutout). Robert has a show on the Food network named Restaurant Impossible. He is also the celebrity spokesperson for Cream Puffs employer. Here we are trying to decide who has the bigger biceps, me or Robert..I think he been juicing..and I have been spending a lot of time on the bike lately so give me a break.

My new favortite athlete

That's Blanka Vlasic Croatian high jumper. Blanka is 6'4" tall! She only gives up 4 inches on Lebron James..and she can jump over him.. This tall drink of water with the name like a pickle has an Olympic silver medal and has won gold three times at the World Championships.

I knew Gary Player was short but this is ridiculous.

Carrot Chopper Goes Skydiving

A blond a brunette and a redhead in a 59' Cadillac..The rarest of achievements

I am not sure which part of this picture I cant believe. The perfectly restored '59 Cadillac or the fact that there are three beautiful women in the front seat. Each with a different hair color. How does this happen? 

Notice the Red Queen holding her own with women 15 years younger. Portman is a very lucky man indeed..very lucky. 

The guy in the driver seat is Reggie Bell, one of my college professors. To commemorate his 50 consecutive years of teaching at GMI they gave him the same model car he drove onto campus 50 years ago. Estimated cost of this restored beauty is $120,000. All I know is 25 years from now if GMI wants to honor me and give me the same car I drove onto campus when I started there, that would be a 1980 Honda Civic. I don't think three beautiful women would be throwing themselves into the front seat of that thing.

I am the real deal...

I dont just play air guittar..I play real guitar (although not very well..but I can play along with DMB on the into to Two Step).

I dont just wear an Iron Man watch..I actually do Iron Mans (Well half Irons Mans.. but I have done 3 so that counts as 1 1/2 Iron Mans! + 1 Iron Mangan which is harder)

I dont watch ESPN... I have been on ESPN. (It was my 5 minutes OK)

I dont brag about hitting 300 yard drives I actually hit them. (I suppose this is bragging however.)

I dont just watch MMA fighting...What  do you think I am crazy..Thats how bones get broken.

You are exquisite..if I may say so

I was at the Mazda/Porsche dealer looking at Mazdas with my daughter and I wandered over on the Porsche side of the showroom and stuck my head into the above vehicle. A salesman quickly snuck up behind me and whispered in my ear "You have exquisite taste".

My immediate internal response was "Yuck".  I don't have an exquisite bank account, so buying the above method of transportation is completely out of the question for me forever. However, it got me thinking. Are people who can afford these cars so insecure they need to be constantly reminded of their status...and for the issue of exquisite taste, I guess anyone with enough cash in their wallet can have exquisite taste.. it only requires the ability to write a check.

But...I couldn't be stuck there mumbling ..so I started quizzing him about the paddle shifters and the gearbox, "Does it have a double clutch..how about a torque converter...how do the paddle shifters work. This stumped him, but he said he could look it up. I must have scared him, because he rushed off. People interested in the technical aspects of these cars must not actually buy them.

I do not approve of this message...PM

Muddy Sneaker

Today, I did a 20K off road half marathon called the Muddy Sneaker...and as you can see by the photo above, the race name does not disappoint.

 I usually always say this after my most recent race but this was one of the hardest races I have ever done.

The distance is really a poor indicator of the difficulty of the race, It took me 2 hours and 23 minutes to complete. The last 2 miles feature 800ft of elevation gain. That's an average of 8% grade on a rocky rooty trail for the last 2 miles of a half marathon. There are stream crossings, terrain that goes straight up, rocks, roots, mud so deep your entire foot sinks in. To top it off there was 40 degrees temperatures and 20 mph winds. It even started to snow at the higher elevations. One downhill was so steep and long my quads started to give out. The last 2 miles of the uphill I literally had to walk most of it. I would start running and my heart rate would peg at its maximum and my legs would literally stop moving. So it was back to the walk. Somehow, I managed to run the last 640 meters.
 
I did the race with Carrot Chopper as my pacer and motivator. CC was running so far under her capacity that she would stop to go the the restroom, I would keep running and she would catch up.

So I am left sore...exhausted.. Red Queen Less (She is at a seminar today)..in gastric distress ( I will leave out the details) and my sneakers are dirty. Cant wait to do it again next year!

Top 10 Reasons for Buttery Stick to Spend the Summer in Rochester

10. Latte with Jason
9. Dryer Road, Mendon Ponds, High Tor
8. Learn guitar at Denton's with complimentary dinners and unlimited purple drank
7. Time with your brother from another mother
6. VO2 Max is sick of you anyway
5. Parrish hill is almost as steep as Mags
4. They must have a bike shop here you can work in
3. Invitation to all expense paid getaway to Lake Placid with the RQ, Lil'B, and CC. Don't forget the incomparable Portman!
2. Save on rent, food, airfare (aka mooch off mom and dad; Matt can mooch too!)

and the #1 reason for Butter Stick to spend the summer in Rochester...

Your girlfriend says you will.

After further review...

Augusta National golf club has entered the record books for longest period of time taken in the video review booth. They called a penalty on Tiger Woods, the next day. Their first ruling was no penalty, then they decided they better sleep on it, interview him, and after his testimony they decided to call a penalty. Talk about your late whistles. Oh and by the way doesn't Tiger know his constitutional right about not incriminating yourself. I would be like "hey guys.. you saw the tape.. you were standing there.. you tell me.. I just swing the club.  Here is my suggestion for the golf rules book. Once a player assesses his situation, calls his own penalty and plays the next shot, thats it. No more penalties can be called. Heres a penalty for you..

Using too much Hairspray on the Augusta National Rules Committee...Lather rinse and repeat..

Portman is gaining weight

Cream Puff and the RQ have been doing a pretty good job of stuffing Portman with food lately. Portman is getting fat and he has a 20K trail run to complete in soon. I cant wait till Carrot Chopper gets home and puts us on the Vegan Diet plan so I can lose some of this excess lamb from my frame.

It was getting pretty thin...

This is the old brake pad from my Saab. I only had about 1mm of wear surface left. Good thing the guy at AutoZone sold me those new pads! In an update to my previous post the two of us have become friends on facebook.