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Monday, October 31, 2011

Make the Faces Famous Hip Circles

Bound to go viral in the next few days is this video of my famous hip circles.
Get ready for tens of thousands of hits as reporters will ask "How does he do that" or better yet "Why does he do that?" He's portless man thats why! And then its right back to doing the dishes, gotta keep the Red Queen happy! Pot roast exclaims "disappointing!" I can't keep everyone happy.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Suffering on the Bike

PortMan sufffering at the 2011 Cobbs hill cyclocross
      I had a bizarre conversation with my friend over at Jacked up Old Man about how to become a champion. Although if you have ever spoken to the old man you know that every conversation is going to be bizarre. Its a good thing he puts people to sleep for a living (anesthesiologist) , that way there is no danger of conversation.
    He says, and I quote, "I must suffer, there is only suffering". I have been reading a lot of philosophy lately (you know the meaning of life, death to Nietzsche, What does it all mean, that kind of sh**). Some philosophers believe that the meaning of life is happiness, we are here to make ourselves happy. Although optimists believe this, pessimists that fear this is so. Well someone didn't tell this happiness stuff to the Jacked Up old man. He frequently boasts about flagellating himself. Although we misheard him the first time he said it and we thought he was fond of farting on himself. That's Flagellation not Flatulation! Back to the suffering.

   I had originally thought the JUOM was crazy, lately I am thinking he may be on to something. Lately, I have been doing a lot of bicycling, specifically cyclocross races. I must say once you get over that initial hump of "this is going to hurt like hell for 30 minutes" it becomes quite addictive. I have now been going out on 2 hour stints pushing the biggest gear I can, standing up in the big ring on every hill and just loving the pain in my legs and the burn in my lungs. The bike and Nordic skiing, which happens to be the JUOM's specialty, are the best mediums in which to do this and not injure yourself permanently. You can go out and suffer and still go home and mow the lawn and work around the house. aka making the Red Queen happy too.** .  It makes the things in life that used to be big problems seem miniscule compared to the pain you are now in. It flattens out the big hills and makes anything seem possible. People around me are complaining like little babies, while I just think about the suffering, . "I must suffer, there is only suffering", by golly the jacked up old man was right.

**A side note, if you have a wife and she nags you, that's a good thing, it means she still cares, if your wife is as quiet as a mouse, she is planning you death)