Carrot Chopper Goes Skydiving

A blond a brunette and a redhead in a 59' Cadillac..The rarest of achievements

I am not sure which part of this picture I cant believe. The perfectly restored '59 Cadillac or the fact that there are three beautiful women in the front seat. Each with a different hair color. How does this happen? 

Notice the Red Queen holding her own with women 15 years younger. Portman is a very lucky man indeed..very lucky. 

The guy in the driver seat is Reggie Bell, one of my college professors. To commemorate his 50 consecutive years of teaching at GMI they gave him the same model car he drove onto campus 50 years ago. Estimated cost of this restored beauty is $120,000. All I know is 25 years from now if GMI wants to honor me and give me the same car I drove onto campus when I started there, that would be a 1980 Honda Civic. I don't think three beautiful women would be throwing themselves into the front seat of that thing.

I am the real deal...

I dont just play air guittar..I play real guitar (although not very well..but I can play along with DMB on the into to Two Step).

I dont just wear an Iron Man watch..I actually do Iron Mans (Well half Irons Mans.. but I have done 3 so that counts as 1 1/2 Iron Mans! + 1 Iron Mangan which is harder)

I dont watch ESPN... I have been on ESPN. (It was my 5 minutes OK)

I dont brag about hitting 300 yard drives I actually hit them. (I suppose this is bragging however.)

I dont just watch MMA fighting...What  do you think I am crazy..Thats how bones get broken.

You are exquisite..if I may say so

I was at the Mazda/Porsche dealer looking at Mazdas with my daughter and I wandered over on the Porsche side of the showroom and stuck my head into the above vehicle. A salesman quickly snuck up behind me and whispered in my ear "You have exquisite taste".

My immediate internal response was "Yuck".  I don't have an exquisite bank account, so buying the above method of transportation is completely out of the question for me forever. However, it got me thinking. Are people who can afford these cars so insecure they need to be constantly reminded of their status...and for the issue of exquisite taste, I guess anyone with enough cash in their wallet can have exquisite taste.. it only requires the ability to write a check.

But...I couldn't be stuck there mumbling ..so I started quizzing him about the paddle shifters and the gearbox, "Does it have a double clutch..how about a torque converter...how do the paddle shifters work. This stumped him, but he said he could look it up. I must have scared him, because he rushed off. People interested in the technical aspects of these cars must not actually buy them.

I do not approve of this message...PM

Muddy Sneaker

Today, I did a 20K off road half marathon called the Muddy Sneaker...and as you can see by the photo above, the race name does not disappoint.

 I usually always say this after my most recent race but this was one of the hardest races I have ever done.

The distance is really a poor indicator of the difficulty of the race, It took me 2 hours and 23 minutes to complete. The last 2 miles feature 800ft of elevation gain. That's an average of 8% grade on a rocky rooty trail for the last 2 miles of a half marathon. There are stream crossings, terrain that goes straight up, rocks, roots, mud so deep your entire foot sinks in. To top it off there was 40 degrees temperatures and 20 mph winds. It even started to snow at the higher elevations. One downhill was so steep and long my quads started to give out. The last 2 miles of the uphill I literally had to walk most of it. I would start running and my heart rate would peg at its maximum and my legs would literally stop moving. So it was back to the walk. Somehow, I managed to run the last 640 meters.
 
I did the race with Carrot Chopper as my pacer and motivator. CC was running so far under her capacity that she would stop to go the the restroom, I would keep running and she would catch up.

So I am left sore...exhausted.. Red Queen Less (She is at a seminar today)..in gastric distress ( I will leave out the details) and my sneakers are dirty. Cant wait to do it again next year!

Top 10 Reasons for Buttery Stick to Spend the Summer in Rochester

10. Latte with Jason
9. Dryer Road, Mendon Ponds, High Tor
8. Learn guitar at Denton's with complimentary dinners and unlimited purple drank
7. Time with your brother from another mother
6. VO2 Max is sick of you anyway
5. Parrish hill is almost as steep as Mags
4. They must have a bike shop here you can work in
3. Invitation to all expense paid getaway to Lake Placid with the RQ, Lil'B, and CC. Don't forget the incomparable Portman!
2. Save on rent, food, airfare (aka mooch off mom and dad; Matt can mooch too!)

and the #1 reason for Butter Stick to spend the summer in Rochester...

Your girlfriend says you will.

After further review...

Augusta National golf club has entered the record books for longest period of time taken in the video review booth. They called a penalty on Tiger Woods, the next day. Their first ruling was no penalty, then they decided they better sleep on it, interview him, and after his testimony they decided to call a penalty. Talk about your late whistles. Oh and by the way doesn't Tiger know his constitutional right about not incriminating yourself. I would be like "hey guys.. you saw the tape.. you were standing there.. you tell me.. I just swing the club.  Here is my suggestion for the golf rules book. Once a player assesses his situation, calls his own penalty and plays the next shot, thats it. No more penalties can be called. Heres a penalty for you..

Using too much Hairspray on the Augusta National Rules Committee...Lather rinse and repeat..

Portman is gaining weight

Cream Puff and the RQ have been doing a pretty good job of stuffing Portman with food lately. Portman is getting fat and he has a 20K trail run to complete in soon. I cant wait till Carrot Chopper gets home and puts us on the Vegan Diet plan so I can lose some of this excess lamb from my frame.

It was getting pretty thin...

This is the old brake pad from my Saab. I only had about 1mm of wear surface left. Good thing the guy at AutoZone sold me those new pads! In an update to my previous post the two of us have become friends on facebook.

Welcome to AutoZone...would you like fries with that?

Yesterday  I stopped by my local auto parts dealer for a set of brake pads. Should be pretty simple right. Whats the year make and model of your car here are your parts that will be XX$ please Done right. WRONG!

First the sales guy asks me if I have aluminum wheels, then he asks if I get brake dust build up. Turns out there are 3 levels of brake pad for my car, first the cheapos (called so because they discourage you from buying them, then the upgraded then the gold ones. Apparently I needed the gold ones because he sounded real convincing.  Job done, you talked me up to the best model. Not enough for the sales guy, "Hey when was the last time you changed your rotors, "They are fine I assure him". He looks skeptical. Then he starts in on the front brakes, "You change those lately?" Then he tells me they have a special on oil and I better get it now or its going to be off sale soon and he does not want me to miss out on the sale. Hey dude your not working on commission are you? Or did you just feel like a chat? Then he tells me I better get some extra brake lube, "You don't want to run out in the middle of the job now?" When paying for the brakes I take out my wallet and he asks me "Where do you get a wallet like that and how much do they cost", It was a gift I tell him. I am sure you can find one on the internet where you may also be able to find some friends to talk to.

Portman vs Portman

Reverses stance on gay marriage          Reverses stance on Wegmans
Son wears earrings                              Son wears earrings
Senator from Ohio                               Born in Ohio
Son has crush on David Beckham      Son has crush on Alex Morgan
Son is Gay                             Portman has been accused of being Metro Sexual

Where do you keep your pepperoni?

When the Red Queen wants a pepperoni pizza she better get one or its off with Portmans you know what..(not that silly..his head) Last Sunday Portman offered to make the RQ a pizza with pepperoni we have had in our fridge. The RQ scoffed and said our pepperoni was 6 months old and cant be any good by now. But the ever frugal Portman rebuffed that pepperoni must last forever because they keep it at room temperature at the grocery store. No way yelled the RQ and it was off the the local market for Portless. The above picture message back the the Red Queen led to nothing but trouble for Portman and he headed over to local pizza shop.

Epilogue

The managers at the our local grocery store were not very happy about Portman dragging the pepperoni display over to the toilet paper isle. Portman is now banned from shopping at his local grocery. Portman is running out of places to shop.

Technology...

I hate technology. The Red Queen and Cream Puff were treated to a laugh festival as Portman worked from home yesterday. He started on a video conference call yelling into the computer "Hey can anyone hear me. This is Gary in Rochester. Anyone at all. HELLO...." No one could hear me because my computer microphone was not set up correctly.

My work did not go well either, with my programs plagued by bugs, which gets Portman very frustrated. Time to take a break and hook up that new flat screen and audio system. Well I could not get the sound to work so after 3 failed attempts to get the company Tech support on the phone (I used my cell phone for that call) I finally reached someone in India who spoke with such a thick accent I could not understand them. I managed to understand enough words to get the sound working, but I put the cell phone back in my pocket without hanging up, because about an hour later I hear this noise from my pocket.  I take out the phone and say hello and he says "Sir.. did you get it working yet?". Well there goes 80 prime cell phone minutes down the drain... and people are still calling me sir!

So I go to fix my computer microphone and the setup tells you to speak a specific phrase into the computer, "Peter piper picked a pepper ..." So the RQ and CP are laughing hysterically at me as I shout this into my computer.

I think tomorrow I will chop some wood or dig a ditch, anything that does not require a computer a cell phone or talking to someone in India.