Two countries separated by a common language

For those of you who enjoyed the Royal wedding or enjoy the BBC show Top gear I though you might find it useful to have an English to English dictionary

Crikey – Something seems odd or surprising

Bloody Hell – Darn it

Shite –Something is of poor quality or I believe that statement is not true.

Wanker – Someone who engages in self a gratifying activity

Tosser – Someone who engages in self a gratifying activity but does it poorly

Bollocks – Also used to describe your belief that something is not true.

Dogs Bollocks – The two things that hang down from a Male Canine. I am not sure if this means they are false.

Knock up – A Tennis warm up, Try saying “Shall we knock up before we start” to your mixed doubles partner.

Cock up – To make a mistake. Like asking your mixed doubles partner to knock up. That’s a massive cock up.

Bonnett – Hood of a car.

Boot – Trunk of a car. Not what you get up your ass if you ask your mixed doubles partner to knock up.

Crisps – Potato Chips

Chips – French Fries. Are they just called Fries in France? No, their called Pomme Frites or Fried Potatoes, which is what they actually are, at least the French got it right.

French Fries – Not in the British vocabulary, the British despise the French, probably because they have good food.

Sorted out – To figure something out. Once the problem is solved they say ”It has been sorted”.

Blimey – Surprise

Limey – English person who immigrated to the USA.

Phrase “Blimey its a Limey” – I am surprised to see you Englishman who emigrated to the USA.

Mates – Your friends. Seems kind of risky to be naming your friends something you do with your spouse.

Shag – To have intercourse. Can be used as a noun verb or adjective. To have a shag , To shag, or as Austin Powers says to be shagaliscious. I guess that means… well we all know what it means so I wont describe it.
Rubber – The thing on the end of a pencil not to be confused with the thing you put on the end of your pencil when you have one of the above.

Queue - Get in Line. You can "queue up", "get in the queue" or just plain "queue". Either way, you will be there for awhile.

Petrol – Gas. I cant think of anything funny to say about gas. I guess gas isn’t funny. Wait it is. Very funny indeed, as Phil shows us here, "Thats got to feel good "Phil".