Buttery Drip

 

I left the house for an hour Saturday and came home with lots of questions for my kids,

In order of me asking them.

Why is there a fire truck in the street?

Why is there an ambulance in the driveway?

Why is Buttery Sticks on the kitchen floor with 5 paramedics around him?

Who was using the gorilla tape and what for?

Why is there an untouched glass of “Purple Drank***” in the sink?

Why is there a 1 gallon vinegar jug out?

 

Turns out the answers to these questions are below

 

Well we all learned something very important this weekend. Do not, and I repeat, do not do the following*

1)      Work 30 hours a week at a job where you run around the in sun after little kids all day

2)      Run 56 miles a week at 6:30 mile pace

3)      Work in the evenings at a roller ski camp where you work out for 2 hours a night

4)      Just for fun throw in some extra bike rides in there in your spare time

5)      Then on Saturday get up at 6 am to ride in a 40 mile bike race at 23.5 mile/hour pace

6)      Then on the same day, run in the park for an hour. Any pace under 7 min/mile will do.

7)      Perform surgery on yourself to remove a wart from your thumb, this causes you to bleed uncontrollably

8)      Have your girlfriend try to make a bandage from Gorilla Tape to stop the bleeding

9)      Have your girlfriends sister look up on the internet how to stop the bleeding and you end up dipping your finger in a container of vinegar.

 

*If you accidentally perform steps 1 though 9, in order, you will lose consciousness.

**Note: Consuming a glass of the famed “Purple Drank” will not prevent the loss of consciousness nor will it cause you to wake up any time soon.

           *** Purple Drank, Yes drank as in the past tense, is slang for the beverage known by the name brand "Ocean Spray Cran-Grape". It is revered on our house by lil-B and Buttery Sticks. They will drink as much of this stuff as I bring home. It has a side effect of making them silly and slap happy, at least thats what it does to lil-B anyway.