You might live in a snowy climate....

If the guy behind you at the gas station is driving a snow mobile.
The Prius gets better mileage however.

and I forgot to mention..

On our property we have a pine tree grove with lots of trees which are being crowded out. So one year I decided to prune a couple  for our Christmas trees. One of the trees was really thin and had a crooked trunk and my family made fun of me for bringing home a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

....Well Merry Christmas Charlie Brown... and everyone is still calling me SIR..Good Grief...

My life as a Charlie Brown Comic Strip

Lately my life resembles a Charlie Brown comic strip

This is my career

This is my love life

And this is Cream Puff who is now referring to me as sir...Good Grief.

The solution to the budget crisis

No, the big mac is not the solution to the budget crisis, eliminating it is. Health care accounts for 21% of the federal budget. This is going to continue to grow in the coming years. I heard a startling statistic the other day. In the not so distance future 1 in 2 Americans will have diabetes or pre-diabetes.  What can we do? We can stop eating fast food for one thing, then get off your butts and exercise for another. I believe that fast food is so damaging to our health that packages should carry warning labels like cigarettes. 

 

 This label says "The product you are about to enjoy is extremely harmful if swallowed."  The packaging should also contain pictures of what will happen to you if you eat the food, like the one below. This is similar to the diseased lung pictures on cigarettes (Oh those are only Canadian cigarettes).

Who could enforce such a campaign, the food and drug administration, the same entity which allows cigarettes to continue to be sold. I guess if it kills you quickly its bad, but if it kills you slowly wasting taxpayer money in the process, its OK.

Sometimes, the smallest thing can take you down

Above is the item which caused my house to have no heat. The black thing on the left not the penny you fool. That small piece of rubber which cracked and caused the safety pressure switch to not see any exhaust pressure and shut off the furnace. Sometimes it worked but sometimes it did not. Mostly it did not. How did I figure this out? First I noticed that the house was cold and the thermostat was calling for heat but the furnace was off. Then I started trying to turn on the furnace by cranking up the thermostat. This furnace worked for the first 3 times I tried this on different occasions. On the fourth time the furnace flame failed to light and I happened to notice a little red light inside the furnace blinking 3 times, this must be telling me something. So off I went to consult the keeper of all knowledge, the passing fad known as the internet. I am getting pretty good with my google search terms and I get very disappointed if the answer is not in the first hit. And this time I did not disappoint myself and there it was a full explanation and 73 page service manual included with a reference to the problem and how to fix it, a clogged nipple (sounds painful but its a furnace not a human body part). Unfortunately, this do not fix my problem, for this I blame google. Although it did point me in the right direction. On my second attempt to check all parts of the system the little piece of hose above happened to fall off while I was disassembling the system. Voila, a cracked hose. I crown myself king of home repair and google search wizardry.

Anti Monkey Butt

The only thing worse than a bad case of Swamp Ass is a bad case of Monkey Butt. However, my local pharmacy has the remedy. That is one happy Monkey!

Crock O' Crap

Sometimes you see something just too crazy to be true. If its in an advertisement, you can rest assured, it certainly is not. Recently, in a national publication, I saw and ad containing the senseless dribble normally reserved for corporate press releases.

The Amish are not, I repeat are not, a preferred supplier to Sears. They do not manufacturer and deliver electric appliances in their horse and buggies to Sears stores as throngs of giddy shoppers wait in line to buy an appliance which can heat their house while using the energy of a coffee maker. This is not true. Yet it is allowed to be printed in millions of newspaper nationwide.

When we see crap like this, we as citizens need to yell, "Crock of Crap" or "Crock of Sh**" if you like. But we don't swear here at maketheface (especially at the Amish) we only point out social irresponsibility.

LIVEWRONG

The original use for the Livestrong band

Lance and I have a lot in common, we both like to golf and cycle and run. He is a father, I am a father, he is a cancer survivor, I am a cancer survivor. I have no tour de France victories Lance has no tour de France victories. The list goes on and on...

The trouble I have with Lance is not that he used performance enhancing drugs, everyone did, it was a level playing field. An unfortunate time in history which we have learned from and will hopefully never repeat. The problem I have is that he tried so hard to cover it up for so long, using his lawyers to lie for him and threatening his teammates and teammates wives. He lied to us, believing he was above it all.

Disrobing Guide for Princesses

In case you have not been reading your supermarket tabloids I will catch you up. Some photographer snagged a long distance shot of princess Kate bearing parts of her body that normally don't get much sun, if you know what I mean. Now if I were the royal advisor I would issue the following memo to Kate.

To: The Dutchess of Cambridge
cc: The Duke of Cambridge and all other royals
From: The Royal Advisor
Subject: Bearing of the Royal Jewels


 Princess, in the future if you happen to get an urge to drop your trousers due to a terrible case of swamp ass or itchy butt or whatever, look up, if you see daylight, stop, lest risk bearing your muffin to all the tabloids and the world. You must know by now you have a lens pointed at you 24 hours of the day 7 days a week from every conceivable angle. This eliminates the following activities from your repertoire , how ever much you enjoyed them in the past

1) Nude sunbathing
2) The aforementioned bearing of private items in sunlight
3) Peeing outside
4) Nose picking (This was already covered this in the royal orientation)
5) Itching any area of your body where the sun usually does not shine
etc, you get the idea.

I know you enjoy reading the make the face blog and Portman engages in all these activities but that does not mean you can do them too.


Regards,

 The Royal Advisor