The iDistraction

I just finished the biography of a very fascinating person. He invented some consumer devices which made him rich, famous and known as one of the most influential people of our time. Unfortunately, as I see it, the fruits of his labor have actually caused more harm than good.

The first product the "iBankrupter" causes the user to go bankrupt 99 cents at a time. It also causes the user to lose complete hearing function.

The next device the "iDistractor" causes the following symptoms in the user

1) Temporary but complete loss of function of one hand.
2) Temporary partial loss of function of the other hand
3) Causes the user to not look where they are walking and run into people
4) User will stop walking unexpectedly, unknowingly blocking pedestrian traffic
5) User will stare at the device for hours on end ignoring all people within the vicinity
6) User will crash car due to unexpected and unavoidable urge to use the device
7) Once owned by the user the device become a part of them and must be within 4 feet of them at all times.

The final device is the "iTimeWaster". No one knew they needed one of these until they came out and now they are so desired that the version that they had to have 6 months ago, now will just not do and causes the consumer to wait all night in line to fork over $600 for the newest model because "Its screen in sharper".
The iTimeWaster is a device that the user will stare at doing things they can already do in other ways but in a manner so portable it supplants ordinary conversation for a bunch of people sitting around staring at screens.

So if you are addicted to any of these devices there should be a way to get clean.
You know, they need an App for that!