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Are you Roasted?

Finished Product

I recently discovered that some religions don't allow their followers to drink coffee. In my world, coffee is the religion. In an attempt to make himself more hip Portman has taken to wearing skinny jeans, commuting on a single speed bike and roasting his own coffee as well as playing his Fender through a tube amp. However, a few developments have ensued. The RQ has since banned Portman from wearing the skinny jeans due to visible outlines of certain (and will be unmentioned ) appendages. The winter weather has curtailed the bicycle commuting and the Guitar is actually being played through a computer simulated tube amp. However, the coffee roasting is for real.

Most of my friends have greeted this announcement with the following sentiment "Are you crazy?" Although the answer is a definitive yes, roasting coffee is actually very easy. It takes about 10 minutes to roast a half pound, the finished coffee costs less than half of good pre-roasted beans and the flavor and freshness are unmatched. So what are you waiting for ..lets get roasting!

Roasting Chamber Repurposed Whirlypop popcorn popper

Only the finest single Origin will do

Lifes goals updated

Martial Arts: I have been training with a boxing coach, among other things I learned how to bob and weave. Bobbing and weaving are techniques to avoid punches, not just a bunch of dancing around like Muhammad Ali would have you think, who knew? Portman decided to show his bobbing and weaving to the Red Queen. She tried to kick him in the groin but ended up hitting him in the eye socket instead. Portman was stunned for a moment. That ended the bobbing and weaving in the kitchen. My shadow boxing is excellent. My coach says I am ready to spar at any gym as long as they pair me with a beginner.

Languages: Uh.... this one is not going so well. I impressed Little B when I quoted the French phrase for never open when hot, Until I told him its printed on every radiator cap. I am still hopeful I will get around to those learn Italian cassette tapes we bought years ago. I am saving an old tape deck for the occasion. You have to shake your head when your procrastination is so bad that technology outgrows the ability perform the original the task. RQ bought some Italian lessons on CD, Those are gathering dust as well. Maybe CD players will become obsolete before we get around to listening to those.

Guitar: I learned Purple Haze today, a lifelong dream. I still really stink at Guitar. I dressed up as The Edge for Halloween at work, only to find out 9 out of 10 people don't know who the Edge is (Guitarist for U2). Where have people been? Under a rock. Oh, I know, they have been staring at their Smart Phones.

Golf: I had my second hole in one this year, This time it was light out and 5 people witnessed it. I also shot under par for 9 holes, no witnesses for this one either. I am still only one proper swing thought away from the Senior tour.

Fitness: Cyclocross season is going well. I am pretty much over the fear that I am going to crash on every tricky turn.. and no one is scared I am going to end up on the podium.

Seven Turns

A friend had told me about a mountain biking trail at the base of one of the finger lakes. I had recollections of him calling it Seven Sisters ( I pity the parents)...but I wasn't quite sure the conversation even took place.

Scouring the Strava and Garmin web sites for MTB trails at the base of any finger lake was fruitless. An email to the owner of a local bike shop (who I had recollected organized this mythical ride) resulted in no reply. An initial email to the guy who I thought I remembered talking to yielded a kickback email saying the recipient no longer exists. One more try to another email I found for the guy and Voila. He said, "Yes its called the Seven Turns and its a slice of heaven and it at the base of Honeoye Lake". I was jubilant in realizing I was not crazy (If you know me you realize, This is often debatable).

I had the occasion to try the trail. Its nuts. It features 1.3 miles of climbing at an average grade of 14%. To put that in perspective, tour deFrance riders consider 6-8% hard. This is off road which makes it even harder. Well I made it to the top and you get rewarded with a nice view. The decent is nothing short of harrowing. 25 mph off road feels like 45 mph on a road bike. Squeezing the hydraulic disc brakes as hard as I can with one finger. Fortunately I survived the decent. Next adventure...hang gliding .

14% for 1.3 miles.uugh

The Payoff

Buttery Sticks Makes Pro Debut...Gets Chicked

Buttery Sticks made his much anticipated pro debut Sunday and prominently got chicked by his teammate. He knew the competition would be tough at the pro ranks..he just didn't know it would come from the womens field. Well buttery sticks .. in the words of Dr. Renee Richards..If you cant beat em join em.

Make the Face releases killer phone App

The hype is true. This is being hailed as the biggest thing since Steve Jobs announced the first iPhone. We here at Make the Face have created a new phone application available immediately for all phone platforms, it even works on old dumb phones. The cost of the app is free and its benefits are priceless.

The app prevents all texts and phone calls from reaching you while you are driving a vehicle. Only the drivers phone will be disabled and it is 100% reliable. You can even still text and make facebook updates while you are riding your mountain bike or skydiving. As a side benefit the app also increases your battery life. The app is compatible with all cell phones and all vehicles manufactured since 1900.

The app can be found at the following sites
iPhone: http://support.apple.com/kb/ht1430
Android: Android Text Block App
Dumb Phones: Dumb Phone App

My Transportation

I have a very cool vehicle which I use to get to and from work in the summer
Here are the specs

Chassis: Monocoque Carbon Fiber
Transmission: 20 speed manual with paddle shifters
Tires: Continental Race
MPG: Infinite

Top speed: 45 mph
Horsepower: Rider dependent


 Figured it out yet

The commutin Rig

Sunrise Over the Genesee River

Others may need a fancy BMW or Mercedes to get their arse to work in the morning but Portman prefers to use his quads...and he gets to experience the beautiful scenes as shown above.

Editorial retraction: Lil B does not like it when we mention the outline of his junk. maketheface.com will never mention the outline of his junk again.

lil B runs on smoked butt

Editorial note: Since lil' B was inexplicably left out of the the last post. Again our apologies to lil' B. We will feature him in this post.

lil B running in Upstate New York

Photo Credit: Carrot Chopper

Lil B is prepping for his final collegiate cross country season. On Sunday he does a long run of 14 miles. It helps to have the gorgeous country side of Western New York to make the miles go by, He is usually accompanied on a bike by either his nutritionist Carrot Chopper or his personal chef RQ. Today's workout was fueled and recovered using the smoked pork butt prepped by Portman (see previous post). Lil B is shown wearing his compression shorts which are loved by everyone who enjoys seeing the exact outline of his junk.

Togther Smoking

***Editors update:Our sincere apologies to lil B' he was originally left out of the roll call at the end of the post. He was in attendance and his name has been rightly added to the list.

Its a Saturday in August and its time to smoke some butt.

...not that kind of smokin

...and not that kind of butt

We are talking Pork Butt. Dry rub plenty of chipotle seasoning salt pepper, ground cloves onto a bone in pork shoulder to get it ready for its 5 hour smoke in the Weber

...

Here is the Weber a' Smokin with Hickory Chips soaked in water placed directly on the coals.

Here is whats going on inside. Indirect heat for 5 hours. Keep the damper cracked to maintain 300 deg F. I had to add fresh hardwood lump charcoal once at the 3 hour mark. Are your eyes getting dry from the smoke!

The finished pulled pork ready for a butter toasted bun. This was enjoyed by P<;, the RQ, Buttery Sticks, Lil B', Carrot Chopper***, Mr ODR and Mrs Prozak***. Sides of fresh slaw and potato salad accompanied.

 ***Note: Carrot Chopper does not eat animal products so she smoked a Tempe instead. Mrs Prozak does not eat animal products or drink alcohol, except when she does, which was not this evening.

Team BTG

Team "BTG" (Authors note: I wanted to call the team the cold showers, for reasons we wont get into here, but I was out voted) anyway we kicked everyone's butt in the Tour de OCD. Who would think 3 old guys would crush the youthful competition. But when you have Mr. ODR who hops into ultra trail marathons on a whim and B-Rad who bikes to work then bikes at work then bikes home...and the Manic Portless man who bikes 50 miles commuting to work (I am not exaggerating) on a single speed, its lights out for the competition!

A Wie bit odd

I was tuned into the us women's open golf tourney and began to laugh hysterically. Seems Michelle Wie thinks shes playing the wrong sport.She is in the aero position during the putting stroke.

and needs Kinesiology tape to play golf. Does that stuff really do anything. Carrot Chopper told me it was all in the head then started using the stuff.

11 year old plays in US Womens Open Golf

This is great. A 5'1" 11 year old qualifies to play with the pros in the US Open. She shoots 78 in the opening round at the hardest golf course in the country. She can drive it 240 off the tee and out drives some pros. What a fantastic story except... PLEASE ....can we lose the exposed stomach.

Donald the Stupid

Your worth $1.9 billion dollars, you are 80 years old, judging from the prime physical condition this guy keeps himself in, he probable has 5-10 years left.

What do you spend your time and energy doing? Trying to dig up dirt on your enemies, that's what. You could do anything you want and not even put a dent in that fortune. Money CAN buy you love (especially in the big Dons case)

Don with two recent recipients of lip plumper implants

but it cant buy you time (just ask Steve Jobs .... oh but you cant). You can't take your wad of cash with ya, so why not spend what precious little time you have left in this world being vengeful, full of spite and regret and use your legal team to play silly catty games. Must be fun for the old fella. Hey, if this is how you enjoy spending your time, then have at it old wrinkled fella! But remember, the most valuable commodity in the world is "time".

Those funny oval stickers...

I saw this sticker on a car the other day...turns out the car was owned by Usain Bolt.

Lets see your Dad do this

Above are the heart rate and elevation profiles recorded by my Garmin bicycle computer during the Rambler bike race last Sunday. The race featured climbs up grades of up to 14%. I sustained heart rates of 178 bpm for up to 4 minutes periods. This is the third year I have done this 30 mile, two and a half hour race on dirt roads and single track. This year was a real slog as we raced in 30 mph gusts. Sometimes on the flats it felt as if I was pedaling to no avail and the bike was at a standstill. I think a couple expletives were yelled at the wind. I apologize to the wind for that.

Easter Dinner Pork Loin with Watercress & Carrot Romesco

Quickly seared and roasted pork loin provided one of the easiest holiday meals The RQ has ever prepared. 

Served with roasted Brussels sprouts, and roasted Yukon gold potatoes it was a meal fit for kings, in this case Portman and our guest. For dessert a decadent apple pie with cranberries cradled in a wholesome crust with crumble on top!

*Thanks Bon Appetit for the inspiration!

Evidence the Supreme Court is Smoking something good..All we ask is that you share.

The Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA) of 1967 states..

[T]o promote employment of older persons based on their ability rather than age; to prohibit arbitrary age discrimination in employment; [and] to help employers and workers find ways of meeting problems arising from the impact of age on employment.

In 2004 the old farts in the supreme court decided to argue about what the word age means. Writing for the majority, Justice Souter explained..

age. e word “age” can have two meanings. “Age” can either refer to any number of years lived, or it can be regarded as common shorthand for old age.

Wheepin Websters Batman..are you lawyers smoking crack. This reminds me of how Clinton started in with that "what  is is " crap.

No you crazy old people! Age means how old you are period. Old age is ambiguous and doesn't mean a thing. Older than what? Here's a picture of me when I was younger, I am older now.

So they take this new definition of Age , which they fabricated ,and proclaim the age discrimination law only works in one direction. Older workers can be favorably treated over younger ones.

Should sexual discrimination only work in one direction too? Maybe they will change the definition of the word sex...Clinton sure tried to.

Thats OK, reverse Age discrimination is illegal in New York State!

Buttery Sticks Celebrates Early....but not too Early

Here I am in my starting position

These are my teammates in their starting poses

Here I am at the 400 meter mark comfortably leading the race

Checking to make sure I can get out the champagne

Time to call my girl friend in Buffalo

Look at the pain on the face of that guy behind me

Thats a face full of celebration

The Tamper Damper

One of the variables you must keep constant when making espresso is the force of your tamp. 30 lbs of force is the established norm. When someone told me about this I was skeptical that the force of the tamp makes a difference. They told me to practice on a bathroom scale. There was no way the RQ was going to let me bring a bathroom scale in the kitchen...and I quote.."What! You are going to put a thing where people put their stinky feet on the kitchen counter...If you bring a bathroom scale in the kitchen its off with your ..." I knew she was serious when she didn't say "head" but  mentioned a different body part.

So I had to think fast..really fast. So desperation is the mother of invention. I designed and built the above tamper damper. Its a simple spring scale that bottoms out when you reach 30lbs of tamp force. Its simple good looking and gets the job done..like Portman! and its never allowed in the bathroom.

Red Queen and Portman go Bottomless

Scroll down for the photos. You must be at least 18 years old to view this content. By scrolling down you are verifying your age.

Portafilter that is... Sorry to dampen your excitement.What were you expecting. I am logging how fast each of you scrolled down by the way.

In the quest for perfect Espresso drinks we have been experimenting with a portafilter with no bottom. Notice the little streamers coming out of the filter. Thats 130 psi of pressure out of control! Perfect Crema in everycup.